Stress

I actually wrote an entry last night, but for some reason it didn't get posted. I think I walked away from my laptop after I clicked on "publish" and my connection timed out and I didn't notice. Bummer.

The topic of my post was something to do with stress...hmmmm... Oh, yes, I was ranting because I am under a great deal of stress at the moment, and everyone I talk to assumes that it's because of homeschooling. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Homeschooling is my chief joy and pleasure in life right now. It is the most interesting thing I'm doing, it is the topic I am the most passionate about, and it is how I prefer to spend most of my time. To me, homeschooling is about hanging out with my kids, going to the library, visiting all the wonderful attractions in our city, going to clubs and playdates and classes together, reading and baking and talking and generally enjoying life together.

In case you're wondering, I'm not an unschooler, so we do officially hit the books for about an hour every morning. However, even that is lovely. My daughter and I have started a wonderful ritual of making a cup of tea while we get our books and pencils ready, and drinking tea while we work. She loves it because she feels very grown up.

The REAL source of my stress comes from my other "jobs." I use parentheses because I only get paid for one of them. I happen to be the president of my son's cooperative playschool. I got the position because I was the only parent in the room even remotely willing to take it on. I really didn't think it would be a very big deal, but honestly, all those little details really add up. Things like dealing with the custodian and the fire inspector and the parents who have issues and the politics. Yes, you read that correctly: POLITICS in PLAYSCHOOL. It's true. I don't even want to go into the details because it would only serve to magnify issues that are NOT WORTH IT.

My other job, the one I get paid for, is an after-school care program that I operate at home. Every day, I take care of my niece and nephew (ages 9 and 11) and two other boys (ages 8 and 11) before and after school. With my own two kids (ages 4 and 6), I have a total of 6 kids. I knew that I would be busy, but I had absolutely NO IDEA how much energy it would take to manage these kids. By the time they leave at 5:30pm, I am DRAINED. I need to lie down on the couch for half an hour just to recover.

I never expected that I would have to actively supervise four kids in late elementary school. Issues I am dealing with include teasing, tormenting, unkindness, boasting, destructiveness and general craziness. I am finding that I either need to keep different sets of kids separated (for example, two in the living room, two in the playroom, two in the backyard), or else I have to be in the playroom with them at all times just to make sure they are behaving like human beings.

Maybe my expectations are out of line. I just thought that kids of that age would know how to act in a home without wrecking the place and without hurting each other. I thought it was possible that they might also know how to carry on a conversation without resorting to taunting, boasting, or teasing. Even the content of their conversations disturbs me sometimes, like the references to boyfriends and girlfriends and the sexual innuendo that they use. I know that right after school most kids are a little wired and need to blow off steam, but this is too much.

I wonder if this is how they act all day long, or even just at lunch and recess. If so, it only cements my decision to homeschool. It definitely puts the whole "socialization" argument to bed in my mind. These kids are NOT being well socialized, and I am certainly not going to throw my kids into the fray. If I feel like I can barely supervise and guide 6 children at once, I do not see how it is remotely possible for a teacher to manage 26 at once. Perhaps they can get through the curriculum, but there is bound to be a heck of a lot of behavioural stuff slipping through the cracks. I don't care if my kids NEVER learn half the Alberta curriculum, as long as they do learn about kindness, compassion, consideration, and respect.