It's been so long!

I have completely ignored my blog for the past month. My apologies to
my fabulous fans. It was extremely heart-warming, however, to see
comments from my friends, both new and old. (Bonjour, Nicole! I miss you!)

The main reason that I did not post was simply stress. I was totally
and completely stressed out by my after-school-care business. That is
mostly resolved now. My nephew has switched to a different school
with a better program to suit his needs, and I asked the mother of
the other two children to find another provider for them. All I have
left is my niece. Today was my first day with the new routine and I
actually woke up feeling.....happy. Now I just have to figure out how
to replace the income that brought in.

On that note, I attended a workshop this past weekend called "Fast
Track to Cash Flow." It was organized by a local guy named Darren
Weeks. He is an official facilitator for Cash Flow 101, which is a
board game created by Robert Kiyosaki, author of the book "Rich Dad
Poor Dad." If you haven't read it yet, you have to open another
browser window right now, go to your local public library page, and
reserve it. (You DO have a library card, don't you? If not, then just
order the book at the Chapters website.) Right after you finish
reading it, pick up Cash Flow Quadrant by the same author.

The workshop was great. I like going to them because you get to
network in a room full of local entrepreneurs and real estate
investors, learn something about business and investing, get some new
ideas, and get inspired to take action. This was great timing for me,
because I have been ignoring and avoiding my goals and ambitions ever
since I abandoned my business last spring. I thought I would just do
this after-school-care thing while I got settled into home-schooling.
Clearly, THAT didn't work out. I have looked and looked in the
newspaper for some kind of part-time employment that would work with
my schedule and that I would actually be willing to DO, with no luck.
It's ridiculous, because there are thousands of jobs available. I'm
just too picky. Nope, it seems that I'm back to the only thing that
has ever inspired me: business and investing.

I have contemplated running workshops of my own. I was strongly
inclined to create a money-management program for teenagers last
year. I still have copious notes about that lying around. Yesterday,
I was thinking that an improvement on that idea would be a
mother-daughter financial workshop. Gosh, all I have to do is type it
to start getting excited about it. I LOVE public speaking, and I LOVE
learning about and talking about investing, I just wonder who would
actually come? I bet if I needed a test market, I could put together
a program and offer it for free to other home-schoolers.

I am also totally excited now about acquiring another property. My
father and I are in business together and we have jointly owned three
small properties for two years. He convinced me to acquire two more
this fall, and I have to admit that I have been dragging my heels. I
was just NOT in the mood. (hmmmm, wonder if that had anything to do
with stress?) Now, I am pumped. I want to get another one ASAP. I am
going to need another partner, though. Any takers out there?

I saw several other investment opportunities at the workshop that I
want to take advantage of. One in particular. I wonder how much money
I can convince the bank to lend me.

Okay, time to be honest. I have been sitting here writing my blog
instead of writing the playschool newsletter. Shame on me. It's
almost 11pm. Isn't that too late to start? Tomorrow is Halloween,
though, so if I don't do it now, it will be Wednesday before it's
finished. Oh, bother.

Occupations

One of the issues that inspired the title of this blog is that little space you see on forms called "Occupation." There is even one on the User Profile section of this blog. I used to get a little thrill from writing "Systems Analyst" or "Computer Consultant" into that space. I had a title and I felt pretty darned important. Nowadays, I find that I have no idea what to write in that space.

What do people really want to know about me, anyway? Is it how I earn money? Is it my professional designation? Is it how I spend most of my time? Is it what I value most?

I find myself answering the question differently depending on what I'm trying to accomplish. If I'm trying to make a point, I will simply write "MOTHER." I don't think it makes one whit of difference if I'm a "stay-at-home-mother" or a "working mother." I am a 24-hour a day mother whether I'm getting paid or not. I have actually received praise from others when they see that on my form.

If I'm trying to impress people, I might say that I'm a real estate investor, or that I manage real estate. If I only want to impress them a little bit, or I don't want to sound like I'm showing off, I might simply say that I run a home-based business. Let them use their imaginations.

If I'm trying to put someone at ease, I'll just say that I'm a babysitter, or that I take in kids after school. If I really want to throw people off, I call myself a teacher. It's technically true, even though my only students are my own children, and possibly my niece and nephew.

The word "occupation" sounds like it should have something to do with what occupies my time. If I think about what takes up the most hours in a day, it's a toss-up between "PARENTING" and "HOUSEHOLD MANAGEMENT," which includes cooking, cleaning, laundry, paying bills, yard work, shopping, and errands.

If I really dig deeply, what I believe my most important occupation here is, the one objective that runs through all the different aspects and eras of my life, it is simply to become more human. Ewww, that sounds corny. Achieving spiritual enlightenment? Spiritual discipline? Wisdom? Obviously, I'm still learning, because I don't quite have the right words for it.

I'm going to borrow a little section from Rachel Naomi Remen's essay "Getting Clear" in her book My Grandfather's Blessings:

"Many years ago, as I was trying to sort myself out from the ways I had lived and inhabit the way that I am, my companion in this process, a therapist, had given me the gift of an exquisite antique silver bracelet. She had it engraved with the single word clear.

She had known that a silver bracelet was something that I would take seriously. For more than a year I never took it off. A few months after she gave it to me, I asked her why she had had it engraved wit the word clear and not with my name. 'Look it up,' she said, 'but only in a very large dictionary.'

I looked it up in the Random House Dictionary of the English Language and found that it had more than sixty meanings, many of which have to do with freedom: free from obstruction; free from guilt; free from blame; free from confusion; free from entanglement; free from limitation; free from debt; free from impurities; free from suspicion; free from illusion; free from doubt; free from uncertainty; free from ambiguity; and so on. And, of course, its ultimate meaning, which is 'able to serve perfectly in the passage of light.'

Sometimes it takes a lifetime to become clear. No matter. It may be the most worthwhile way to spend the time."

I read that book over a year ago, and those words keep coming back to me. So, perhaps my true occupation is simply to become clear.

Ravings

Oh my god, I am drunk. I apologize in advance for anyone who is
offended by drunken ravings. Maybe you should stop reading now. I
don't get drunk very often, but when I do, it is a LOT of fun. Might
as well make the most of it. Morning meditation at church tomorrow
should be hilarious. (A word of advice: don't meditate while
hung-over. It's brutal.)

I picked up some second-hand books this week from a fellow
home-schooler: Kids Book of Canada; an Usborne Encyclopedia of
History; and another book called "Dinosaurs by Design" that I just
grabbed because my 4 year-old is into dinosaurs right now. Well,
today, he asks me to read it to him. Sure, I think, no problem. I
flip open to the first page. It's all about fossils. Since he's still
4, I often just read him the captions and sidebar stuff beside the
pictures. I skim through and my eyes stop on this: "All dinosaurs not
on Noah's Ark were drowned in the Flood." ...........Pardon?

I had to skim through a few more pages to figure out what the h***
this was all about. Apparently, the Earth is only a few thousand
years old. Apparently, the Flood is probably responsible for many of
the geological features present today, like the Grand Canyon. The
Bible even makes several mentions of dragons and whatnot, which is
even more proof that dinosaurs existed RECENTLY. Apparently, there
are hundreds of different folk tales around the world about floods
and dragons, which MUST have some basis in reality. People all over
the world wouldn't make up the same types of stories unless there was
some basis in fact. I literally could not believe my eyes. I had to
show it to my husband, who also could not believe his eyes. Actually,
he had a lot more choice words than that, but let's pretend that this
is a family-friendly blog.

Now I find myself stuck with a dilemma about what to do with the
book. My son still wants me to read it to him, which I most certainly
will not do, at least not until he's old enough to have a
conversation about it. I don't think I can return it to the lady who
sold it to me. I don't really want to pass it on to anyone, because I
don't want to spread these kind of ideas. I generally don't approve
of book-burnings, so that's out. I feel like I've inherited a virus
of some kind, that needs to be contained or dealt with somehow.

By now, you have probably figured out that I am NOT a creationist. I
am also NOT a Christian, although I have several Christian friends
whom I like and respect very much. My husband used to call himself
Christian (he even taught Sunday school!), but I pestered him with so
many detailed questions about his exact beliefs before we said our
wedding vows that he stopped going to church. (I actually feel a
little bad about that, but I really needed specific answers before I
was willing to marry him.) I attend the local "Life Enrichment
Centre" on Sundays, which calls itself a New Thought ministry. I have
seen other websites about churches called Unitarian which seem
somewhat similar.

So, your comments are welcome. I'm not drunk anymore, but tomorrow
might be a rough day. It's almost 2am. What the h***, I'm a mother,
I've survived on less sleep. At least I had fun.

Stress

I actually wrote an entry last night, but for some reason it didn't get posted. I think I walked away from my laptop after I clicked on "publish" and my connection timed out and I didn't notice. Bummer.

The topic of my post was something to do with stress...hmmmm... Oh, yes, I was ranting because I am under a great deal of stress at the moment, and everyone I talk to assumes that it's because of homeschooling. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Homeschooling is my chief joy and pleasure in life right now. It is the most interesting thing I'm doing, it is the topic I am the most passionate about, and it is how I prefer to spend most of my time. To me, homeschooling is about hanging out with my kids, going to the library, visiting all the wonderful attractions in our city, going to clubs and playdates and classes together, reading and baking and talking and generally enjoying life together.

In case you're wondering, I'm not an unschooler, so we do officially hit the books for about an hour every morning. However, even that is lovely. My daughter and I have started a wonderful ritual of making a cup of tea while we get our books and pencils ready, and drinking tea while we work. She loves it because she feels very grown up.

The REAL source of my stress comes from my other "jobs." I use parentheses because I only get paid for one of them. I happen to be the president of my son's cooperative playschool. I got the position because I was the only parent in the room even remotely willing to take it on. I really didn't think it would be a very big deal, but honestly, all those little details really add up. Things like dealing with the custodian and the fire inspector and the parents who have issues and the politics. Yes, you read that correctly: POLITICS in PLAYSCHOOL. It's true. I don't even want to go into the details because it would only serve to magnify issues that are NOT WORTH IT.

My other job, the one I get paid for, is an after-school care program that I operate at home. Every day, I take care of my niece and nephew (ages 9 and 11) and two other boys (ages 8 and 11) before and after school. With my own two kids (ages 4 and 6), I have a total of 6 kids. I knew that I would be busy, but I had absolutely NO IDEA how much energy it would take to manage these kids. By the time they leave at 5:30pm, I am DRAINED. I need to lie down on the couch for half an hour just to recover.

I never expected that I would have to actively supervise four kids in late elementary school. Issues I am dealing with include teasing, tormenting, unkindness, boasting, destructiveness and general craziness. I am finding that I either need to keep different sets of kids separated (for example, two in the living room, two in the playroom, two in the backyard), or else I have to be in the playroom with them at all times just to make sure they are behaving like human beings.

Maybe my expectations are out of line. I just thought that kids of that age would know how to act in a home without wrecking the place and without hurting each other. I thought it was possible that they might also know how to carry on a conversation without resorting to taunting, boasting, or teasing. Even the content of their conversations disturbs me sometimes, like the references to boyfriends and girlfriends and the sexual innuendo that they use. I know that right after school most kids are a little wired and need to blow off steam, but this is too much.

I wonder if this is how they act all day long, or even just at lunch and recess. If so, it only cements my decision to homeschool. It definitely puts the whole "socialization" argument to bed in my mind. These kids are NOT being well socialized, and I am certainly not going to throw my kids into the fray. If I feel like I can barely supervise and guide 6 children at once, I do not see how it is remotely possible for a teacher to manage 26 at once. Perhaps they can get through the curriculum, but there is bound to be a heck of a lot of behavioural stuff slipping through the cracks. I don't care if my kids NEVER learn half the Alberta curriculum, as long as they do learn about kindness, compassion, consideration, and respect.

Homeschooling and "Stress"

I am almost fed up with people telling me what a huge burden or responsibility I've taken on with homeschooling. Seriously, if I complain about being tired, or being busy, or being stressed out, people automatically assume that it's because I'm homeschooling.

This is the truth: homeschooling is my JOY, it is my chief pleasure and my #1 interest in life right now. I get to spend quality 1-on-1 time with my kids doing stuff that we all love to do like reading, going to the library, having deep conversations, playing, visiting friends, and taking advantage of the wonderful attractions in our city. Homeschooling is like being on summer holidays all year long. It is absolutely lovely.

If you want to know why I'm stressed out, it has something to do with being President of my son's playschool and dealing with cranky parents, fire inspector issues, and myriad other little "to-do's" that eat up time I'd rather spend READING. On top of that, the two hours I spend running an after-school care program for 4 kids (ages 8, 9, 11, and 11) completely
and totally drains me. By the time my husband gets home for supper, I am washed out. I need to spend 45 minutes lying on the couch just to pull myself together.

I have a lot more to say on this topic. Honestly, there are about 4 topics there. Fodder for another night.

Launch.

I have been toying with the idea of writing a blog for a while now, and I finally clicked on that little "Get Your Own Blog" button in the corner of someone else's blog. It reminds me of that old TV commercial for chips that said "Get Your Own Bag!" I always thought it needed the word "Damn" inserted before "bag." It just didn't have enough oomph.

The title of my blog came to me, just like my husband said it would, when I tried to describe my life in a short phrase. Stay-at-Home-Mom isn't quite right, because I almost never do stay home. Home-schooling Mom isn't quite enough, because I've only just begun, and I don't feel like it defines me. I am neither left-wing nor right-wing, Christian nor anti-Christian. Home-birthing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping and attachment-parenting used to describe me, but my babies are bigger now (4yrs and 6yrs), so that doesn't quite fit, either. Some of my friends call me a health nut, but the real health nuts I know know that isn't true. I like to run, but I'm definitely not a runner.

I have given some thought to what I'm going to write here. I read voraciously, and this would be a great place to work out my responses to the books I read. I think this is the perfect spot to put all the stories and ideas that I don't want to bore my husband with, and that I just don't have time to chat with my friends about. It is still hard to have good conversations with babies and toddlers crawling around. They're all getting bigger, though, so hopefully good conversations will happen more frequently.

I guess I see this as another avenue for personal growth. It's like a diary, but more public, so I have to put a little more effort into it. I see myself doing some kind of writing in the future, so this is an opportunity to improve my writing skills. (By the way, I am open to suggestions.) This is all completely new to me. Will I have to be careful about what I say? If my parents or my in-laws read this, will they be shocked, surprised, or offended? Maybe they'll learn something.

Maybe I'll learn something. If so, then this will be a useful exercise.