Stress

I actually wrote an entry last night, but for some reason it didn't get posted. I think I walked away from my laptop after I clicked on "publish" and my connection timed out and I didn't notice. Bummer.

The topic of my post was something to do with stress...hmmmm... Oh, yes, I was ranting because I am under a great deal of stress at the moment, and everyone I talk to assumes that it's because of homeschooling. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Homeschooling is my chief joy and pleasure in life right now. It is the most interesting thing I'm doing, it is the topic I am the most passionate about, and it is how I prefer to spend most of my time. To me, homeschooling is about hanging out with my kids, going to the library, visiting all the wonderful attractions in our city, going to clubs and playdates and classes together, reading and baking and talking and generally enjoying life together.

In case you're wondering, I'm not an unschooler, so we do officially hit the books for about an hour every morning. However, even that is lovely. My daughter and I have started a wonderful ritual of making a cup of tea while we get our books and pencils ready, and drinking tea while we work. She loves it because she feels very grown up.

The REAL source of my stress comes from my other "jobs." I use parentheses because I only get paid for one of them. I happen to be the president of my son's cooperative playschool. I got the position because I was the only parent in the room even remotely willing to take it on. I really didn't think it would be a very big deal, but honestly, all those little details really add up. Things like dealing with the custodian and the fire inspector and the parents who have issues and the politics. Yes, you read that correctly: POLITICS in PLAYSCHOOL. It's true. I don't even want to go into the details because it would only serve to magnify issues that are NOT WORTH IT.

My other job, the one I get paid for, is an after-school care program that I operate at home. Every day, I take care of my niece and nephew (ages 9 and 11) and two other boys (ages 8 and 11) before and after school. With my own two kids (ages 4 and 6), I have a total of 6 kids. I knew that I would be busy, but I had absolutely NO IDEA how much energy it would take to manage these kids. By the time they leave at 5:30pm, I am DRAINED. I need to lie down on the couch for half an hour just to recover.

I never expected that I would have to actively supervise four kids in late elementary school. Issues I am dealing with include teasing, tormenting, unkindness, boasting, destructiveness and general craziness. I am finding that I either need to keep different sets of kids separated (for example, two in the living room, two in the playroom, two in the backyard), or else I have to be in the playroom with them at all times just to make sure they are behaving like human beings.

Maybe my expectations are out of line. I just thought that kids of that age would know how to act in a home without wrecking the place and without hurting each other. I thought it was possible that they might also know how to carry on a conversation without resorting to taunting, boasting, or teasing. Even the content of their conversations disturbs me sometimes, like the references to boyfriends and girlfriends and the sexual innuendo that they use. I know that right after school most kids are a little wired and need to blow off steam, but this is too much.

I wonder if this is how they act all day long, or even just at lunch and recess. If so, it only cements my decision to homeschool. It definitely puts the whole "socialization" argument to bed in my mind. These kids are NOT being well socialized, and I am certainly not going to throw my kids into the fray. If I feel like I can barely supervise and guide 6 children at once, I do not see how it is remotely possible for a teacher to manage 26 at once. Perhaps they can get through the curriculum, but there is bound to be a heck of a lot of behavioural stuff slipping through the cracks. I don't care if my kids NEVER learn half the Alberta curriculum, as long as they do learn about kindness, compassion, consideration, and respect.

Homeschooling and "Stress"

I am almost fed up with people telling me what a huge burden or responsibility I've taken on with homeschooling. Seriously, if I complain about being tired, or being busy, or being stressed out, people automatically assume that it's because I'm homeschooling.

This is the truth: homeschooling is my JOY, it is my chief pleasure and my #1 interest in life right now. I get to spend quality 1-on-1 time with my kids doing stuff that we all love to do like reading, going to the library, having deep conversations, playing, visiting friends, and taking advantage of the wonderful attractions in our city. Homeschooling is like being on summer holidays all year long. It is absolutely lovely.

If you want to know why I'm stressed out, it has something to do with being President of my son's playschool and dealing with cranky parents, fire inspector issues, and myriad other little "to-do's" that eat up time I'd rather spend READING. On top of that, the two hours I spend running an after-school care program for 4 kids (ages 8, 9, 11, and 11) completely
and totally drains me. By the time my husband gets home for supper, I am washed out. I need to spend 45 minutes lying on the couch just to pull myself together.

I have a lot more to say on this topic. Honestly, there are about 4 topics there. Fodder for another night.

Launch.

I have been toying with the idea of writing a blog for a while now, and I finally clicked on that little "Get Your Own Blog" button in the corner of someone else's blog. It reminds me of that old TV commercial for chips that said "Get Your Own Bag!" I always thought it needed the word "Damn" inserted before "bag." It just didn't have enough oomph.

The title of my blog came to me, just like my husband said it would, when I tried to describe my life in a short phrase. Stay-at-Home-Mom isn't quite right, because I almost never do stay home. Home-schooling Mom isn't quite enough, because I've only just begun, and I don't feel like it defines me. I am neither left-wing nor right-wing, Christian nor anti-Christian. Home-birthing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping and attachment-parenting used to describe me, but my babies are bigger now (4yrs and 6yrs), so that doesn't quite fit, either. Some of my friends call me a health nut, but the real health nuts I know know that isn't true. I like to run, but I'm definitely not a runner.

I have given some thought to what I'm going to write here. I read voraciously, and this would be a great place to work out my responses to the books I read. I think this is the perfect spot to put all the stories and ideas that I don't want to bore my husband with, and that I just don't have time to chat with my friends about. It is still hard to have good conversations with babies and toddlers crawling around. They're all getting bigger, though, so hopefully good conversations will happen more frequently.

I guess I see this as another avenue for personal growth. It's like a diary, but more public, so I have to put a little more effort into it. I see myself doing some kind of writing in the future, so this is an opportunity to improve my writing skills. (By the way, I am open to suggestions.) This is all completely new to me. Will I have to be careful about what I say? If my parents or my in-laws read this, will they be shocked, surprised, or offended? Maybe they'll learn something.

Maybe I'll learn something. If so, then this will be a useful exercise.